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Tuesday, August 03, 2004
lost touch with wo de blog 4 long time wor
wosh.... finally updating wo de blog le.... hahaha
well... beri de busy going Bukit Batok nowadays and going out with dear wor...
hehe.... this few weeks neh have been full of laughter, fun, lub, quarrel and alot of nonsense lar.... just last sat , m0i went to kallang wait for dear do his duty finish at the NDP preview n0r... den go jln bahar wait for him... at boonlay nehs! lols... he stay at wo de tamp house on sat sia! wEe U wEe... lols... mama say he younger than me... you mei you gao chuo... dots! lols~
lols
den always go see doc for check up also... alot of jokes happened there lar... he know i know can le... lols~...
no time for wo de friends and sista n0r... solli sia.... lols... no one ask me out also... wahaha... den almost every day go meet steven... hmmm...... so happy lar... this few days... but then hor, cash flow also very fast n0r... duno how also... jialat.... maybe we shd lessen the outing ba.... hmm...
den at training ish fun lar.... we anti someone in the other team w0r... lols... we know can le... neh neh neh... lols.. k lar... i also duno wat else i can say... now having lab session on computer programming... better not type too much... wait lecturer come and bio me! lols! kk.....
Posted at 05:37 pm by ch3mlov3
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
a very tiring weeks of night outings!!!
It has been a week since i blogged le ba... well alot of stuffs happened last week lor.... now me at workplace... want to sleep also cant sleep le.. cos is 5am in morning le!!! wOo... one day never see him... i miss him so badly le.... s0b
steven finally told me something that i have been suspecting all the while... it proves that i wasnt wrong... i was right den! lols... well... it was a big and hard decision to make but i still decide to stand by him... i have choosen him that very moment... guess i should totally put down the other person... but can i? i dont know... hais... such a mixed up feelings now...
mummy also seen steven's pic and saw him coming down from my place... well there is nothing to hide le... cos i love steven anyway... hehe... he told me that he also told his mum abt me and want me to meet up with her... well this is not a good start to go with but i duno... i duno how to react when i sees her too... i duno... i just dont think that is the right move at this moment.. hais.... make my head sooo big....
everything seems like a dream... i just ended a story.... who would least expect me to start another story so fast... hais...
some times i really felt guilty to steven cos my heart has another person too... i really duno what i should do.... i want to let go, but can i realli do it anot? i duno how strong is my feeling for him still ...unless he appears before me again.... but i dun have that gut anymore.... i am afraid... what should i do? hais.....
later got lesson around 11am... sians... think i only go for the semestral project Tutorial class den i go home take nap le... damn tired lor! then later around 6pm i meetin steven at city hall... he going to meet client, then want bring me along... dots! haiyo... after that we going devil's to meet sunny they all lor... anyway who are the "they all" i also duno... it is his friends lar.... wow... i just hope i can tahan until thurs nite... oh ya... thurs got training... die! lols... i going to be tired to death le!!! omg... hahaa... a very tiring weeks... but with him... i can hold on de! am i right? probably.... duhs...
k lar... dun wan tok any future... think i shd prepare to go home and sleep!!!! going school in 5 hrs time sia! zzzzzz
 
Posted at 06:38 am by ch3mlov3
Friday, July 02, 2004
What am i doing?
Mrs Goh??? Or ???
Sometimes I wish I wont have to say this out to relieve my heart... hais... this 2 weeks have been going out with Steven every night.... needless to say, of cos i do like him... but some times i really wish i could give up the whole situation...
There is still this person in my heart, I couldnt let go... I couldnt ward off... I still love... hais...
Though nowadays I spent most of my time thinking and doing alot... but when there is time.... I would be thinking of him instead... Tell me, what is going to happen if one day he comes back? What if he stands infront of me... would I hold on to Steven or go back to him? Because ultimately, my love for him is eternally burning like this... I couldnt hold on some times... when steven ask me abt him... i really reluctant to talk about it.. because I dont want to sound enthusiastic talking about him... i want to keep him forever in my heart... some times i really find god so unfair... why?
Another problem between us is that we seems to be lack of communication... he dont know what i am thinking.. neither do i know him.... i can safely say that we dont have trust for each other... imagination runs wild and all that... hais..
Let's See how long we can last... hais.........
Posted at 07:46 pm by ch3mlov3
Sunday, June 27, 2004
w0 de wE3kend
yesterday went out with taizi, ning qian and steven to town lor... well i went down to meet steven at west mall first cos he working there mahx... den after that we went down to meet the 2 of them.... hoho... we went walk walk... from bugis to ps... den to heeren... to down to paradise centre... cos darn zhou bo lor...
den steven admit he dont town area walk this way... haha.... but i hope he enjoy it lar... i duno if he is tired by us or enjoy this anot lehx... hmm....
today go meet him at lavender also... den we go beach road to buy belts and clothes... and watever lar... den we go tamps buy wo de trackpants... i like his company but he can dun mention something anot... haiyo....
well... i like him lar.. hehe... but things still has ways to improve... lets hope we can be forever... lub u
Posted at 10:37 pm by ch3mlov3
Friday, June 25, 2004
toilet repair ar!!!!!
uhhum... now at tamps... shiok ar! using internet at tamp first tme... hehe... walaoz.... wo de birthday ,, den go dinner with steven at convention hall, suntec. after that we went to coffee express for a cup of coffee before going to devil's bar lor... hehe....
then wed, laraine they all celebrate for me... at marina... after that i go meet steven at devil's bar nor... pls dun think that he is one ruggarts cos always go devils bar lar... he go cos i go mahs... hehe... den lidat lor... hahaha
training damn sianz lor.... but then alrite lar.... went for supper with woon hei and steven after that... hehe... so funny.... uhhum, never mind.
now lehx... haf to stuck at home cos of the repair work... sian lar!
die le die le... how am i going to survive!~~
Posted at 12:34 pm by ch3mlov3
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
happy birthday xin
uhhum... been a week since i last blog rite? heheh... so sorry.. have been tooo busy at work and life... that's why....
today nehx... ish wo de birthday, i am really happy that there are still people remember or was it i reminded them? hahaha no lar....
but i am realli glad to received a canada call... from ALICE! woohoo... thanks sis for remembering my birthday ... and of cos calling... hehe... really dunch wish to hang but u have to go for class... hehe...
and also Hin Li, Vincent Chua, Joanna Chang, Sebas , Cherlle, Jason Tan and Woon Hei .... wahaha...
of cos lar.... got people like ning qian, audrey and edward... thanks for celebrating with me on sat... hehehe... tomorrow got somemore birthday party for me... so happy....
and also my laptop is here... yeah! now using it to blog.... so happy...
then also is a best gift i could give myself...
Hmm.... Soon Aik, there was a time you are everything... all that I could ever had... and there was the time you are my love... the one that shake me badly.... because of your weird personality.... most of the time i am the one trying to tolerate with u... and taking care of you... of cos u also took great care... alot of love and concern during those days... now... i am happy that i could give you up though a part of you still lingers in me... i will forever remember there is such person also... now that i can move on, let's not minger too much and hope those unhappiness are over... my sincere blessing to you.
I gave up totally! yeahZZ!!
huRr...
den another news.... i like someone else... oops!
Posted at 02:06 pm by ch3mlov3
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
long work ar!!!!!
uhhum... yeasterday work until 4am in the morning... hais... so tired.... go home also zzz le~
dig out 2 letters from melodyland... of cos ish i write de n0r... got nothing better t0 d0 liaoz... so dig th0se thinG 0ut... hais...
now reading those letters again.... i find myself a real miserable fella... compared to the past, i also realised that i am more willing to let go... i am not so stubborn as the past... i have let go of him physically... though mentally i still think of him... but cos of my workload, i dont get to think too much nowadays also.. hais... but still i still want to ask him, if i had a chance, what happened if that time i didnt help you recouncil with her, will you still love me?
but i guess, some things are also better to be kept in the heart.. curiousity is never ending.. so fulfiling this qs... will also lead to another qs... y bother since i wan to let go too...
some times i really disappointed why i still can think of him... why i still love him... why i still have his photo in my wallet... JeEz
But I guess i want to take a break from here... r/s is something i doubt i would like to touch on for a long time... cos i am still mending my broken heart... guess the scar stays forever... s0bz~
Posted at 11:42 pm by ch3mlov3
Nov 15, 03 @ melodyland
to... haiz... the man in my heart:
recently we hardly mention u, maybe because u already left my life physically. but the feeling in me is still glowing strong. Although we hardly mention u, but i know how much u stands in my heart. There is this strong feeling which i cant avoid nor denied. my longing for u deepen as the day passes and my misses sink harder...
For nearly 3 weeks since we said goodbye, i still cant get a single thing about you out of my mind. I still love u. haiz. my pig head, can u come back to me? even if we were just friends, I would also be very happy, very glad. this kind of life, I really cant stand it. Not even a word from you, something seems to missing in my life. Do you know how torturous it is?
When we did mention you, my heart would be like a mendded vase that break again, like you suddenly throw a stone into my heart... I want to avoid this topic, but how long can I run away? no matter what I am doing, how much I am devoted to my work, a part of my mind has been dominated by ur strong presence already. I am still curious, why did you want to lead me to a path of misery and left me there? Bring me across the line and back again?
Tell me , have you ever love me? or was it just a moment of lust? 
::x|N::
letters written on Nov 15, 03 @ melodyland
Posted at 04:43 am by ch3mlov3
A letter found from melodyland on 25 feb 04
It has been months and what kind of torture am I still pending for? Haven't I had enough sorrow all this while? If anyone could call it retribution, I should have already cleared my debt. But why do I still find my eyes misty?
I thought I should have given up all hopes on him after those tear-jerking nights? Those painful heart ache and those nasty words out of his lips. Hey girl, I should be hating him and not missing him.
Then why do I feel so incredible miserable at the thought of him? He should be off my mind, replaced by someone better...
God, please take him away... and to be honest, my desire for him increases as the day passes. Is this a practical phase for a heart broken soul or was it that I am just indebted to him that I have to love him so deeply now?
I really can't stand the feeling of thinking every night and the urge for him, but I can't stand more of not having him by my side- anymore.
Call me a desperado, a bitch. I just love him, is that wrong? All right, something is wrong, but I cant control my feelings, especially at this stage.
I have never seriously answer any of his questions. I have never dare to open my heart and give me a chance, I want him to know how important he is to me.
You ask me once why do I see in you and what is so special about you that I want to put in so much effort and energy to help him?
Do you know there are so many good things about you? In fact to me, everything is great. Even your bad points, I don't find it irritating at the thought of it. Whenever I ask myself, what is it about you that are really a big turn off, I really don't know how to answer my own questions.
Practically because I cant think of any. Probably because of the love I had for u, it become the backup force to make sure you get happiness in every possible way I could do to achieve. What is more impt to me is your happiness. I don't and I never regret what I had given out and given up. Because I love you.
You might think that you are old and boring, but do you know being with you, I received a special love and happiness that I could not get from someone else. I desire you. I don't need a young and attractive guy, just someone I love b my side even if life is going to be unromantic.
I remembered you asking me whether I would be happy if I stay with you, yes, you really gave me a lot of happiness even to be just next to you. But the question in my mind is, are you willing to let me have that chance? Can I provide you with happiness too? I really hope to have a future together, planning our life ahead, letting us taking care of each other. But do you have that faith in me? No matter what becomes of you, I just want to be with you. Is that so difficult, so torturing, to you?
Perhaps, I am a little too rush, a little too impatient. But I need to know what you are thinking, what you are planning. Where are the sincerity and truth that you claimed? Why can't you tell me what you are deciding? Over here you are telling me you are happy, but you told them you are not. So are you happy? Truly happy? Why control yourself if you are not happy? Why torture yourself and make pain decisions after decisions? Of cause, if you are truly happy, I am willing to leave, willing to back out. But what I am thinking ain't what is happening. Why?
Am I supposed to get by every day waiting for you and your answer? Am I supposed to act as if nothing has happen?
Impossible!
What has happen did happen. Nothing can be undone. What is left as a memory is nothing but memories, how could I forget whatever that is left scarred in my heart?
I want to wait, and I will wait. No matter how long it is, I will love you!
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(o'.'o) Å mÊñdÉd hÉãRt €âÑ ÑêVëR ßè ßêÄùtïfÜ| àGáîÑ /(o'.'o)\
ÞïG|ˆ±¨·…(¯`£øvË´¯)…·¨·±ZhÛ†Øü
+Written on Feb 25, 2004+
Posted at 04:38 am by ch3mlov3
poemz
i dIdn't wAnt tO aDmIt it,
it wAS eAsIeR tO liE,
aNd hIde e hUrt + eMpTinEss,
tO smiLe iNstEad of cRy.
i dIdn't wAnt tO fAce e fAct,
my liFe iS fUll oF pAin,
aNd i lOng tO stOp my bLeedIng hEart,
aNd mAyb smiLe aGain.
cAusE i feeL oH-sO-fOrgOtteN
sO sAd aNd sO alOne,
w/o a tRacE oF fOrgIvEnEss,
aNd nO sOul tO caLl my oWn.
i dIdn't wAn tO aDmit e fAct,
i cNt spReaD my wIngs,
aNd my haPpinEss hAs mElt,
intO tEarS + othEr tIngs.
iT's hArd fOr me tO hIde e fAct,
my wIsHes hAb nO hOme,
aNd rEtuRn tO aNguIsh,
bOw my hEad aNd cRy aLonE...
wIsh both oF uR haPpiE aLwAySs...
By Icestarz
Posted at 04:34 am by ch3mlov3
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