I realli couldnt stand it any longer... I cant stand not talking to him, so i emailed him lor... haiz... i duno why, but i just felt tt he is avoiding me...
haiz... finally he replied tt email lor... he said he wasnt avoiding me.. he is just reorganising his thoughts and many things to clear... i duno lar.. i really duno lar... i really love him so much ma... why i am so miserable the whole day... haiz... the pain wun go... my headache still spin... I cant concentrate on everythin i am doing... the mere thoughts of him, made my whole mood fall... Haix... it really takes a person to noe how much the other person meant to her only when she loses him...
why must he fall 4 her? IF he never, they could continue their friendship... i really treasure the friendship that we had lor... i really dun wan to lose it.... tell me wat i shd do.. haiz.... i cant stand it.. i couldnt get to sleep till 4am... this goes on, i really will collapse any moment.. haiz... it hurts so much....

*******
I….can’t get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can’t seem to find a way
To leave the love behind

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

You’ve kept me hanging from a string
While you make me cry
I’ve tried to give you everything
But you just give me lies

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Now loves a broken record that’s been
Skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we have to play these games we play

I ain’t tripping
I’m just missing you
You know what I’m saying
You know what I mean
Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
It’s true, I’m stuck on you

Every now and then when I’m all alone
I’d be wishing that you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back but you never do
I feel like such a fool
There’s nothing I can do
I’m such a fool for you

I can’t take it
What am I waiting for?
I’m still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can’t fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
I hate you but I love you
I can’t stop thinking of you
Don’t know what to do
I’m stuck on you
-> Song intro by Ms Intan (nice song, thanks... lyric is even nice!)

Current Mood: crushed

Just 4 days ago, on saturday morning, I was waken up by him over the CD-RW... haiz... anyway i couldnt update the stupid NERO program, but my aunt manage to did it on her computer.

Yesterday, he came online in the morning... but, went offline and never cme in again. I really regret not greeting him morning... that was the start of my fear...
today he never come online at all. NOT AT ALL the whole morning... you know, I really broke down... i really felt that he was avoiding me all the while... I dun hate him 4 doing all this but I cant help it, i cant help knowing that he just seems to disappear without a word. I cant help feeling the irresponsibility in him... I cant help feeling upset over what he had already promised. Most of all, I cant help feeling "deadly" that i am losing him even as a friend?! The pain came to me so deadly today I really thought of suicide... but I cant leave without knowing what was wrong... I cried, i worried, i fear... all this horrible monsterous feeling came to me... I actually thought that he was on course or sick or what.... so he never come online... but he wasnt lor... haiz... i duno.. actually today i haf to go back srs for a "meeting" for my friend's prob lar... with Mrs Ho lor... so i took the CD-RW also to pass him lar... hoping that i can get an explanation lor..
but he seems alrite when he sees me lor, as if nth ish wrong lor... den i also quite busy, so i cant tok to him much anyway... so i rush for moi meeting lor... den after meeting, perhaps we aint fated lor, he left, i tink 5-10mins before my meeting ends... realli felt like crying also... but then, haizz... i left sadly lar...
den go eat and stroll ard with nq, jocelyn, jason, SK, adeline... den we go void deck, and i drink a bottle of XO- Cognac Otard (40% vol) ... i realli wan to be drunk, but i got lesson, so i only drank 1/2 bottle lar... hot sia!! PHew.. den we all go nq hse duno do wat also... den i left for lesson lor.. haiz... i just reach home to find out that he actually came online today ard 1pm i tink... or maybe he came online cos he noe i coming sch or i was in sch.. haiz... i really got a strong feelin he is avoiding lar... but then, haiz... as long as he likes it... I, LIM KE XIN, promise to give Him, NG SOON AIK, the happiness he want and wish to have... first time i set this rite? cos... i love him... haizzz....

Current Mood: sad

Today? What happened? Alot of things....... let's talk abt things more related to me can?

him.

Me and him... will today mark the turning point to the r/s both of us want in our heart? An affair I shd call this now...
I duno, alot of confusion in my heart... my mind and heart isnt talking about the same things. I am scared, i fear him, i am afraid he will get hurt, yet; i love him, i want him...
but i am more scared that he will be... haiz!
so many things coming into my mind, i totally confused myself... what have i done? Allowing him to come right into my heart, my mind, my soul, once again...
I duno... i duno how to explain my feeling now... i am looking forward to what he actually means, yet i am fearful, fearful of the consequence... the consequence of losing him... seriously speaking, if this goes on, i am not able to let go anymore.. infact i already cant let go of him from my mind, my memory.... i dun wan to get too desperate, too dispicable to have him, physically.... because in the end, alot of us will get hurt... i dont want this to happen..
MY heart really felt the same pain again. the pain of stress, worries, fearfulness, helplessness, the pain i can only felt for him... because of him... and the love he has return...
Having him giving back the love is totally out of my anticipation... i cant believe it, i dont know how to handle this situation anymore... totally collapsed at this point... how many people actually knows the pain?
today i woke up at 6.45am, staring at the computer, my eyes really hurt from those lights from the monitor... i stare at it for 10mins... and in the end my tears fall... he is not inside stil... just as i nearly fall to my knees.. he came in... i am really happy to have him inside.. really... i am really going crazy ... totally out of my mind now... I am sorry if 1 day i going out of mind, totally out to hurt people... i duno wat is wrong with me... i fear... really fear myself...
As for the 2nd thing is... i gotta noe... hyunkee like *tOot* and already 4gotten the guy she loves for almost 2yrs... can u believe tt... HEadache now... cos *tOot* got GF and the GF is Jin Qian.... hOw? she cried jus now, while talking to me... i really duno how to comfort him.. i am at a lost myself... haiz... wo bu zhi dao lar... hope i wun cry soon... haiz

Current Mood: confused

haiz... yesterday ar.... early morning let SK woke up to Go Pasir Ris beach lor... go there gam lan i also duno... in the end waste my bus fare...
then i broke moi promise to go hair treatment with NQ lor... then cos of tt we got a huge quarrel... actually hor, this quarrel is inevitable lor, cos of tt wei qiang... hear his name make me dulan nia... wat kinda attitude he is gibin me sia... tink he big arse or wat... nnm... in the end also cant make it de lar... *Pui!
abt moi and NQ, we "patch" in the afternoon lor, of cos is i give in lar... haiyo... then NQ met me, JT, SK and Chua at Hougang mall... haha... JT And Chua sway lar... tio dia 4 shopping... hahahaaha... =x u understand, i understand can liao lar...

then we go to JT house to celebrate the festival lor.... Alrite lar, not realli fun..
den NQ and moi go Hougang PT meet Alice, cos tt siao chabo studying there mahz....
den after that, we got JT down to point around 11pm lor... den buy tidbits le, we went back to JT house and stay overnight lor... cos NQ dun wan go home...

haha i took JT's bed... and NQ took the bed below...
JT Go living room of cos...
but we never sleep till 4am in the morning.. Watching VCD mahx....

hmm... then this morning, all woke up except NQ sia... sleep like a PIG~ lol.... but we manage to wake her up lar... den we stuck in JT place till 4pm. Cos i got lecture, that's why we have to leave.. someone she bu de sia... hehe... i noe can liaoz.... sianz

today lecture at national library... damn lame sia...=x anyway... nth muchie le... GOODNITE!

Current Mood: tired

haiz... this few days really torture lor. Ok, today is only tuesday, but I never chat with him for 4 days. Haiz... Still got 1 more day to wait.... before I can chat with him again, Hopefully. Cos thursday is his duty day, I really hope he will be online to talk to me. Realli... I Miss Him so muchie... Haixx....

This few days have been busy settling my housebill... still not settled. Walk one step then see lor. Haix...

Leaf Misses Her Tree Alot... Will the Tree Come back for hEr? Will the Leaf Find its way back to the Tree? I Miss U, Tree...

HaixX...

Current Mood: grumpy

Today ar.. haix.. i think was really damn irritating and hyper intolerable lor... Haixxx....
I think I made him angry by scolding him after he MIA for 4 hrs... what is the matter with me today sia.. i felt so spinny today... so lethargic this morning lor.. haix, i think he was irritated with me, that he dun wan to bother abt me le... dead liao lar.. haixxx
Met SK and adrian @ BK@heartland to study lor... then tt bigmouth SK... go and tell adrian tt i keep thinking that my watch name is zHu tOu de name... make me damn fed up lor. I tink now adrian noe i like whu le... so dulan sia... knn... she fucking got nothing better to say isit! NABEH!
then reach home, NQ Call me to ask me go meet her... k lor, den i cancel moi appointment to wait for her to reach.. then i call her again then she took 111.. wrong bus lar! make me luff till peng... tt one fucking kia- wei qiang- call her and she made it as a conference... den she say she meet me later... tt fucker say what " Dont Go Out, Go Home!" Bloody hell... he really make me totally HATE him sia... nobody dare said that, somemore infront of me... he first one... he tokkong... ccb... he better have a definite reason like he is her stead. But wateva it is, he is already make me very dulan him liaox... so it doesnt matter... KNN... now so bad mood... fuck up lar! haixxx

Current Mood: annoyed

Yesterday was teachers' day. Me, SK NQ and NQ's family went PAsir Ris park. We cycled. Was fun initially until I bang onto SK's bike. It hurt my albow and it was bleeding. Haix, suan le lar, you think I really will scared of pain mehx? Haix, but I quite worry at the blow that hit my stomuch. Nothing really much was done yesterday also. SMS all the teachers, haix, some are nice, but some like not happy with me like that. Understoodable to it lar... I mean those that not happy with me, I also not happy with them de... just out of politeness, so sms them de. Haix...

Last saturday morning I was chatting with him and he said that I shd go sch that day. hahax, want to chat with me say lar... anyway, no difference lar. Haix. I skip the lecture again (Maths) and wanted to accompany SK as she just came back from camp. but in the end, I ended up at Hougang point with Simran and Adrian, studying. Then go home meet Huan and chat at my place till she left lor.

Today, msn with him again. Nothing much was said, just normal chatting. Never tell him about the CD Burner also, cos i already emailed the pricelist to him. Haix! Then afternoon study with SK at Heartland, KFC till 6+pm, den go over to alice place to continue studying. Haix... now I want to sleep also. No mood to continue.... Goodnite lar!

Today, he ar... first thing is ask me send him the "movie" clips! Basket, early in the morning, can only think of that. But, alas, clip too big lar (20.2mb), that fucking msn half way cancel, then he got so pek chek , he say forget it. Then I try upload to net, fucking net, also cannot upload. Got my friend to upload. Upload finish liao, say dont accept zip. file! Bloodiful net. DuhZ!
He call my photo with CL, call me his cute cute girl. His somemore. Waliew... make me float... basket!
*Giggle*
Then he gotta know that I going back for TD celebration, he ask me burn the clip. I where got burner, then he say ask me go buy, he song gei wo... Kinda felt it is wasting his money, but I just cant help thinking that he is really cute enough to buy this thing for that... Purpose? Lolx...
*Muack*
Ask him buy me dorayaki, he really buy leh, I am so happy. I ate both le, so nice, so sweet, so yummy. Probably wont eat anything as yummy as this =x HeHe... But I never talk to him lor, cos when I take the dorayaki, some "blah" sitting around him, looking at me with weird eye sight, see liao also abit pek chek... so i take le, run away. Lolx. Then in the end, never get to talk to him lor. So sad hor? Bo pian... He go home, I still stuck in school sia... Haixx...

Afternoon went out with Li and Jun Hao to Hougang Mall awhile, then meet cherlle with Jun Hao to go to TampMall for some strolling. Lolx. After that, go heartland for lunch (cherlle nia) then I go home rest and then go lecture lor. Sian lar, today lecture abit bo liao de... but what to do, haha.
I felt so happy to see him again. Really very happy. I dont know he miss seeing me anot, but I miss him. So much, so much, I just couldnt take my eyes of him whenever he is near me. Although today both of us didnt talk today, but I felt a kind of force telling me that [I]it is alright, he understand u very well, u also, why worry about it? [/I] Dont know he felt the same, but still I am really happy. Can I say I Love Him for once here? =) wO JinG t|aN hAo XinG fU wOr...

Current Mood: loved