I am so tired recently, there will always be this stupid headache eating my brain up like that... haiz... Guess the only reserve left is to see a doctor. I dont know why, but I got this unlucky feeling that it is not going to be something good. Probably that is the main reason for my change for today... I emailed him something that I never thought I would Have done. I decided to give up. I surrender to this fearful, sorrowful, tedious love I had. Probably the only true love in my life, but still I didnt regret. Today I have been yawning, I know how much sleep I am getting, 8hrs, aint it enough... this seems to be a sign of a bad omen... the headache also come and goes... so painful, I never achieve such pain in my life. Worse, it hurt from the back also... I dont know, but since I have start my first plan, I plan to move all the way to make him hate me to the core... at least I know he wont feel guilty when something happens. Right?
As I am typing, this stupid headache came again... haiz....
BTW, my cousin died. Haiz, really a sorrow to hear that. She is really intelligent, what's more, just obtained a degree from NUS last yr. Haizz....
http://straitstimes.asia1.com.sg/topstories/story/0,4386,213231,00.html
Many things happen recently, I really have no time to capture everything. Since the drinking accident, my relationship with my family improves tremendously, my friends starts to study hard for their exam... we are closer and we tend to understand each other better.
But I lost a friend. Although I kept saying that we are friends. but in his heart, I know how well he hate me, and how well he treats me. No longer a friend, no longer anything. Probably the next thing you know, he wont even bother to smile or greet each other when we walk pass each other. How bad is it? Haizz... Initially I want to hate xiao ping ping for all this problems, but I guess we should be fair in life. Since this are all fated, dont blame it on others. We have ourselves to blame for all this happenings too. But sometimes I really wish this hadnt happen, he hadnt avoid me to badly...
Today, during chemistry lecture, I never really listen. Cos the look at my lecturer, the look at the notes, the look at the topics... my mind went back to the days he taught me. Haiz, I hate myself for treasuring friends too much, I hate myself for clinging on to memories... I hate everything that is good about me...
But who knows... in time to come, something might happen... Gods know what it is... but anyway, I still waiting for this dear friend of mine to understand and come back to me. I still treasure him no matter what happen...
Haiz